he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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