Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
