You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
