Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
