Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
