I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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