Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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