I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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