hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
