who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
