I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
