You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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