Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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