I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
