No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
