.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
