I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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