Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
