my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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