I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
