doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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