Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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