i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
