so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
