Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
