i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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