apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
