I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
