well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
