I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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