I'm really into asian looking animals
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
