I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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