he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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