I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
