forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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