'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's shark week go big or go home
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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