I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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