Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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