I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
