Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
