I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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