So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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