Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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