is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
