i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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