so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
