Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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