I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
