"it" just moved
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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