3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize