I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
