The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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