She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
