I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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