She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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