i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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