U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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