dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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