I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
