A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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