I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
