Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
