I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
