And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
