How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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