Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
