Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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