The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He shit in the fireplace
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
