My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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