the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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