awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
