clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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