Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
