On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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