Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
