His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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