I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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