What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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