so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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