my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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