Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize