Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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