I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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