glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
