Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
