absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
