I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just tell him i said nine months
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
