We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
