once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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