quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Houston, we have a blender
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
