What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
