You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
