I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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