hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
