She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
