I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
