Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
