a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
