am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
