Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
