we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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